I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
