I can tuck mytits in my pants
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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