There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
