If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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