If that was your dad, he is hot
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
