They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
