It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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