she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
