drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
