Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
