I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
