I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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