No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
