I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
