24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
