don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
