Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
