I accidentally burped into my bong.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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