I used to practice getting hit by cars.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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