Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He better not be in your backpack
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
