i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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