I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
