I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
