I think I died a long time ago.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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