ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
