is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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