Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
