So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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