Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
