Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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