My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
