I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
