Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
