I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
