are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
