I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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