dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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