i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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