I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
