we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
