She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
