I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
