if you like me you must not know who I am
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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