just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
