Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
