people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
