you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ladies don't puke and tell
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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