Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Randomize
