He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
