All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
