hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
