kristin has been a bad kristin
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
