That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
