the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
